Midori
by Tenshi no Toki
Summary: Ryou sends Bakura out to buy some creampuffs from his favorite store, but the thief runs into some trouble when he sees a very delicious looking Malik relaxing by a pool. [One Shot, MxM, BxR and slight BxM]


**Midori **

**Summary:** Ryou sends Bakura out to buy some creampuffs from his favorite store, but the thief runs into some trouble when he sees a very delicious looking Malik relaxing by a pool. (One Shot, MxM, BxR and slight BxM)

**Rated:** T

**Genre:** Humor

**Author's Note:** Wow, I'm really pumping out a lot of one shots this month. Go me! Will I ever stop putting Zelda references in my fics? Probably not.

**Disclaimer:** Nothing but the plot is mine.

--

"Ryou, why, _WHY_ do _I_ have to get them? Why can't you? You're so picky about-"

"Excuse me? I clean up after you, I cook you food, wash your clothes, make your bed, sharpen your knives, polish the Ring, and you complain about walking _two blocks_ to the Midori Shop to buy me a box of creampuffs?"

Bakura rolled his eyes. "But I-"

"No buts!" The smaller boy said sternly, "If you don't come back with some Midori Shop creampuff, you are sleeping on the couch mister! And no hugs for a whole week!"

"Spare me the punishment," the thief grumbled, "I'll buy your stupid pastries, but you owe me big. The Midori Shop is right by the Ishtar's place, and I know what those two idiots do in their spare time. It's _not_ pretty."

"Alright, I promise! _Please_ go for me?"

"I'm going!" Bakura sighed as his hikari's face lit up. "Those creampuffs better be packaged in gold or something."

It was exceptionally hot that day, so hot in fact that if one were to crack an egg on the sidewalk, the yolk would evaporate before it even hit the ground. Bakura passed by several sweaty neighbors, all wearing ridiculously summery clothing. Mahogany eyes focused briefly on a middle-aged man wearing a striped shirt similar to Ryou, and the yami made a mental note to burn his as soon as he returned from his annoying voyage.

After passing by a handful of trinket shops, Bakura came across a cream colored Pomeranian wearing a black and purple collar; the name _Kuriume_ engraved on its heart-shaped tag. Making sure there was no one else around the residential area, he bent down to pet it, a small smile on its face. As he stroked its soft fur, a rough voice called the dog's name and it immediately darted to the nearest house, entering through a small doggy door. The yami frowned at the familiar sound.

'Was that…?'

Bakura realized he was standing in front of the Ishtar's house, an impressive three-bedroom structure with it's own swimming pool AND it's own Zen garden. What a household containing two frighteningly psychotic teens did with such a garden was questionable, but the thief suspected it had something to do with sandcastles. From his location, he could clearly see the translucent blue waters of the family's swimming pool, as well as the blonde beauty currently wading in its depths. Malik Ishtar certainly was the epitome of sex; from his long, bleach blonde hair to his enigmatic lilac eyes, Bakura had always found the young Egyptian extremely pleasing to look at. However the boy's constant mood swings and demanding nature was more than off putting…not to mention his insanely protective yami who could easily snap Bakura in two if he wished. At this thought, the white haired yami quickly looked over his shoulder to check if Malik's counterpart was about to decapitate him.

After making sure he was alone, Bakura went back to watching his former companion, feeling his jeans getting tighter by the minute as Malik began to eat an incredibly phallic looking ice pop. The tanned teen stretched casually, running delicate fingers through his soft hair while lavishly sucking the treat. Just when Bakura began to worry about returning to Ryou with soiled boxers, piercing lavender eyes met his own and Bakura's fantasy came crashing down. Malik shouted something and in a matter of seconds, the outraged roar of his yami was heard from the house.

Bakura paled. Sure Marik was the youngest yami, but he was a being created out of the negative emotions of a ten year old child, and Malik had to be one of _the_ most messed up ten year olds ever to live. But…if Marik was really just a bundle of hate packaged in a Playgirl worthy body, then he wasn't really a person per say…which made him inferior to himself and the Pharaoh. But if he was inferior, then how was he able to beat (well, almost in the Pharaoh's case) both of them like it was nothing? Unless he wasn't really a yami…maybe, he was just a messed up version of Malik. Or a demon. Or perhaps an imaginary friend gone berserk. Bakura's brain began to hurt. What exactly _was_ Marik anyway?

As he was simmering in his own confusing theories, the shadow of said entity loomed behind him, a shorter shadow appearing at his side. The doomed thief turned slowly, a pair of dark plum eyes glaring at him from under spiked bangs, while a towel wrapped (and extremely hot) Malik stood shivering to his right. The two yamis stared at each other for a moment, when Marik broke the contest by revealing a painful looking wooden bat.

'Aw crap.'

The last thing Bakura saw before he blacked out was the taller yami's fanged smile.

--

"Don't you think the bat was a bit much?"

"Not really. Now stop bothering me! I must play!"

"You've beaten that game five times," a soft voice said exasperatedly, "haven't you memorized all the puzzles?"

Another voice gave a childish whine.

"Fine, fine, whatever," the softer voice grumbled.

Bakura opened his eyes slowly, a dull throb present on the back of his head. Despite the pain, Bakura could clearly see the two blonde Egyptians in front of him, the shorter of the two resting his head on his yami's shoulder, watching a small elf destroy bouncing spiders with his sword. Bakura moved to throttle Marik for being so brutal with his new toy (was the guy taking up baseball?), when he realized that he seemed to be a little tied up. Okay, that was an understatement; he was SO tied up that if he moved so much as an inch his hands would fall off at the wrists because of the three-inch thick rope that those two idiots used to bind him. He also seemed to be underneath one of those lights they use when they want to interrogate people, the shady, creaky kind of lamps. Now under normal circumstances, this would have been extremely kinky, but since it DID involve the two Ishtar spazzes, it was more annoying than anything else. Well, maybe if it was just Malik…

"So you're finally awake," the small blonde said nastily, walking over to the bound Bakura with a noticeable twitch in his eye, "did you enjoy your little peep show?"

"Malik, so nice to see you," Bakura said sarcastically, flashing a toothy grin, "under these lights your face looks even cuter than it did in the pool! …You _did_ go through with that sex change, didn't you?"

A blushing Malik frowned and whacked him over the head with said lamp.

"_Bastard_."

"Ow! You little bitch! Marik!"

"Hah?" The other blonde yelled, refusing to take his eyes of the handheld.

"What the hell are you doing? Control your light!"

Marik laughed and continued killing the little pixilated octopi, "Heh, yeah right! After what you did? That's a good one …"

"My beef is with you Bakura!" The small blonde snapped, waving the appliance around threateningly, "And if you don't answer my questions, I'm going to kill you!"

"You sister said you weren't allowed to get blood on the carpet," Marik muttered idly, mashing all life out of the B Button.

Malik's demeanor instantly changed from maniacal to childish, "Aww! But I wanna maim somebody! Y-You'll help me clean the mess right yami?"

"Sure, just leave me his head. I wanna see how big his brain is."

"Yayness! You're so great yami! I wub you!"

"Whatever," Marik sighed.

Back to insane. "HAHAHAHA! See? My relationship with Marik is far superior to yours and Ryou's! Now answer me or suffer!"

"I'd answer if you told me what the hell you kidnapped me for!"

Malik blushed. "Eh heh, whoopsies! Forgot about that. See, me and Seto were having this charming conversation when Marik came in with a nice kettle of hot tea. We all had some lunch and chatted about the effects of global warming on the Earth's avian population when all of a sudden this huge cactus-"

"Forget it!"

"No! I will not forget it! You stole my jewelry Bakura, and I want it back! Catching _you_ watching _me_ in the pool just gave me another reason to get mad at you!"

"WHAT?" Bakura snapped, "I didn't steal anything from you, you dumb blonde!"

"Yes you did! Both my earrings have gone missing and the only two who'd have enough balls to steal them are you and Marik! And Marik wouldn't have done it because his are missing too!"

"My ears feel so naked without them," the taller yami said sullenly.

"Then you probably lost them somewhere! Can't you just buy a new pair? Those things looked like they only cost a couple thousand yen anyway…"

"THOSE EARRINGS BELONGED TO MY MOTHER!"

"They were your father's," Marik corrected.

"Oh…THOSE EARRINGS BELONGED TO MY FATHER!"

"Whom you hated, so now you've gotten rid of your only reminder of that evil old man. Now can you please untie me so I can buy Ryou his stupid creampuffs?"

"Tell that lump to get off his fat ass and buy his own! Those earrings didn't _just_ belong to my father; they've been in the Ishtar family for five thousand years!"

"Three thousand," Marik recited.

Malik shot his yami an ugly look before continuing to yell at Bakura. "Three thousand years! They're a birthright!"

"Then I suppose you should have taken better care of them! NOW LET ME GO!"

"NO! Not until you tell me where you put my earrings!"

"For the last time, I DIDN'T TAKE THEM, YOU LOST THEM!"

"NO I DIDN'T!"

"Malik, it could be a possibility," Marik muttered, not looking up from his game.

"_That's it_, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ANYMORE!"

"For once, I think that freak of nature is right," the thief panted, trying to break through the thick rope, "I swear Malik, I didn't take your stupid earrings!"

"Bakura if I don't find them then my father's spirit's going to come and try to scar something else!"

"Just have Marik kill him again," Bakura smirked, amused at the sour look on the young blonde's face. "Listen Malik, you're already a major disappointment to your clan, especially compared to your sister and…well, you did create _that thing_. I doubt a lost pair of earrings will change anything, you're already damned to hell!"

"At least I wasn't trapped in a funky shaped dream catcher for being a giant douche!"

"You take that back!"

"Never!"

"Bitch!"

"Thief!"

"Baby!"

"Freak!"

"Whore!"

Bakura was suddenly smacked over the head by a very murderous looking Marik.

"Malik. Is. Not. A. Whore."

"Yeesh, someone's awful defensive."

"Shut up and tell us which pawn shop you sold our earrings to so I can remove the dealer's spine!"

"Aw Marik, not you too!"

"Hey, I was perfectly fine until you called hikari-pretty a whore," the blonde yami shrugged, "but you just had to push it, didn't you?"

"I _am_ pretty, aren't I," Malik cooed, "but anyway, cut off one toe at a time until he tells us where the earrings are."

"You coward! Why don't you come over here remove my toes yourself?" Bakura barked, unsure of what exactly he was trying to achieve. …Perhaps Malik, being the sweeter of the two blondes (well…usually) would maim him more gently than his psychopathic yami. …Wait a minute.

"Bleh, yeah right! I know where those nasty fungal feet of yours have been!"

"If you really want to know where your precious earrings are then you'll cut my toes off with your own hands, you girl!"

"Hey!" Malik pouted, placing his hands on his exposed stomach, "I'm no more girly than that stupid pillow you call a light! …Though I'm much more desirable if I do say so myself…"

"Contradict and I'll snap your neck," Marik growled threateningly.

"I wasn't going to contradict," Bakura blushed, "I think your light is very desirable!"

The white haired thief was assaulted by yet another smack on the head.

"STOP UNDRESSING HIM WITH YOUR EYES! ONLY _I_ MAY DO THAT!"

"You idiot! Hey Malik! Control this stupid thing!"

The smaller blonde gasped and smacked Bakura himself. "Don't call him stupid, YOU'RE STUPID!"

"Don't call me stupid, STUPID!"

"Don't call hikari-pretty stupid, STUPID!"

"You're both STUPID!" Bakura snarled, desperately trying to snap his restraints.

"Aha! Don't be so sure Bakura," Malik smiled, pinching his prisoner's cheek, "after all, we did manage to tie you up pretty good, now didn't we? Now either tell us where the earrings are or the toes are coming off!"

"MALIK ISHTAR!"

Bakura had never seen a more beautiful woman in his life.

"Isis! Thank the Gods, you're finally here! Tell these two to untie me, PLEASE?"

"What on earth do you two think you're doing?" the raven haired Ishtar fumed, "After I finished telling the neighbors what good little boys you were!"

"Sis, Bakura stole our earrings!" Malik whined, cowering under her accusing stare.

"And we were just trying to make him confess his sins before carrying out the damnation ceremony," the other blonde said solemnly.

"Your earrings?" Isis blinked. "Boys, I told you I was going to take them to the jewelers to get them shined up for you! You can pick 'em up tomorrow if you're _that_ desperate for them…"

"SEE?" Bakura screeched, "I DIDN'T TAKE THEM NOW LET ME GO BEFORE RYOU SENDS OUT A SEARCH PARTY!"

"What did I tell you two about jumping to conclusions? I'm so, SO sorry Bakura, but you know about Malik's _mental situation_." Isis whispered the last part rather quietly. "_The doctor said he'll try and give us some medicine to combat the psychopathic episodes_-"

"SIS! Didn't I tell you to quit telling people that I had mental problems? Let them find out on. Their. OWN."

"Right, and if they can't tell already from the fact that I'm a walking, talking, manifestation of his issues, then maybe they don't _deserve_ to know."

"Exactly." Malik nodded.

"UNTIE ME!"

"NO!" Both blondes said defiantly.

"BOYS! Untie him and say sorry!" Isis demanded, turning red.

The darker Malik hissed at the sound of the offending 'S word.' He could stand being called a freak, he could stand being yelled at, poked, or slapped by his overbearing light, and he could _even_ stand not having the last mango left in the house. But if there was _one_ thing he could not stand, it was apologizing. He had only done it once, to Malik, and he was not about to grant the same privilege to a thief who didn't have the common sense not to wear a dark blue shirt with black pants. HELLO? COMMON FASHION KNOWLEDGE!

"I will not," Marik said darkly.

"Apologize to me!" Bakura sneered, rubbing his wrists tenderly. While his yami was busy boiling in his own indignant rage, Malik had quietly undone the ropes and offered an apologetic smile. That was good enough for the thief, but an apology from Marik was ten times sweeter than one from his adorable hikari.

"No."

"Sis, I really don't think you should have Marik apologize," Malik muttered hesitantly, "unless you want a Dark Duel between those two in our living room…"

Isis paled. "Ah! You don't need to say anything Marik, Malik told me he apologized for the both of you!"

"He did not!" Bakura complained, glaring daggers at the other yami, "I want a real apology from this guy, right here!"

"Fuck. You." Marik growled, baring his fangs.

"Not my type, but I bet your hikari's tons of fun!"

Malik winced as the Sennen symbol appeared on his dark side's forehead. This was _not_ going to end well.

--

Ryou woke up from his daily afternoon nap and yawned sweetly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He was surprised that Bakura hadn't returned by now, but figured that he probably got held up at the pastry shop due to the thousands of customers wanting a taste of the Midori Shop's most famous dessert. Creampuffs _were_ the greatest food ever created after all.

"Ah! Oh no, what if they've run out? Poor Bakura… Hmph, knowing him he'll probably get me some second rate creampuffs at Momoiro Bakery. Ooh, those taste like frosted dirt!"

A sudden knock at the door caused Ryou to wander curiously to the living room, hoping that his faithful yami had brought him creampuffs from the correct store. Another series of knocks made him realize that the door was locked, and Bakura probably forgot to bring the house key. Ryou opened the door excitedly, unable to wait any longer for his daily dose of sugary goodness.

"Bakura! Thank goodness, I thought… Oh my God!"

The white haired yami looked like he had a jousting match against an eighteen-wheel truck…and lost. One of his mahogany eyes was blackened so bad it looked like he had on an eye patch, and a nasty looking Indian burn on his wrist (which, strangely enough, looked like it said 'sorry') seemed to be pulsating slightly. There were also bruises in places Ryou had never believed they could exist.

"Bakura! What the heck happened?"

"Here," the thief exclaimed, shoving a box of Midori Shop creampuffs into Ryou's hands, "you have no idea…NO IDEA…"

"Oh…do you want a pillow? Or an ice pack? Or…"

"Just eat them," Bakura said wearily, "eat them and savor them…because that's the last damn time I'm ever passing by the Ishtar's house. _EVER_."

Ryou opened his mouth to reply, but his yami had already fainted face forward onto his teddy bear slippers, snoring like a drunken panda.

--

Well. That was longer than expected. Oh well, **review please!**


End file.
